The Assassin at My Window

Stop—

No... do not come any closer, it is impossible to think with you here. I cannot breathe when you are this near to me, standing there as you are looking at me like that—

Would you stop looking at me like that, please?

I cannot... I cannot do this. What if someone finds us — how did you even get in here? There are guards stationed at every post, doubled because of you and your defiance.

No… no, do not put this on me.

You know I want this; I want you but— but this isn't right, what exists between us is never going to endure what must come next. You know that as well as I do. I see that flicker of fear you try so hard to pretend does not exist and yet there it is... and here you are, again, asking me the same questions when my mind remains unchanged.

Why must you be this way? Why is it that wherever I look, there you are; an agonising constant hiding in the corner of every crowded room, infiltrating my peace and my ranks, shaking my resolve at every dance and every dinner, every hour of every day—it is enough!

Do you not think of me, of what would become of me if anyone were to find out about us? A noble… found skulking around her own realm, hand in hand with the likes of you – an assassin, a hunter, a killer of Kings and their kin. No... no, I don't imagine you do. I doubt it has even once crossed your mind, when you all seem to be capable of thinking about is...

You have no idea what it is like to be me; to be someone they look to for answers, for stability when danger lurks around every corner of our once peaceful kingdom— peace lost no thanks to the likes of you. You have no idea the harm you have caused… the fear that spread like wildfire, on the morning they found my brother’s body with your dagger in his chest. I know— you say you did it to save me, to save all of us… but when will you understand that violence is not always the solution!

My people - my father, this family - needs me. They are counting on me to do what is right, to hold true to my oaths and yet when my head should be filled with verses and strategy and order and all I can think of is you!

You... the very thing I cannot have, the very person I am not sure I even want by my side but cannot seem to stray from, no matter how hard I try. Why is it you cannot just leave me be? Do you not think—

I said stop looking at me like that, please!

Do you think that I do not wish things could be different for us? I have wished for it, time and time again, but no amount of wishing can make us whole when what we had was already broken from the beginning.

I came to you defeated. I swore that you were nothing more than my final act of rebellion before I was prepared to swear myself to honour... to sacrifice my dreams of a normal life to become the leader these people need— the one they still expect me to be.

One night. That was all you and I were meant to be... a lapse of judgement, a spark of chaos, a mistake.